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What Happens When a Couple Sees their Situation Totally Different?

Apr 4 2012 - 4:53 pm by Sue Butler in Marriage Help

Most of the time, couples see their problems very differently, and this leads them to blame each other. Usually, heated arguments result from trying to talk about the problems and nothing is resolved.  The couple find themselves farther apart from each other and feeling guilty, blamed or shamed. The following story is an example of  the type of problems couples face.

Rosa and Teddy have been married for several years. Rosa has been unhappy for most of their marriage. Teddy believed that he and his wife shared a very understanding relationship; they do not have the same opinion and view of their situation. 


What the husband is saying:

Rosa and her husband Teddy have been married for 7 years. Teddy goes bowling with his friends every Thursday and Friday night, on Saturdays, he plays poker from 6 to 10 P.M. At his arrival he likes to spend time with his wife and share intimate moments. He tells his friends that he is the luckiest man “alive” because he has a very understanding wife, who allows him to enjoy his freedom and spend time with his friends while she takes care of the children. Furthermore, he adds that Rosa devotedly waits for him every night ready for intimacy.

What the wife is saying:

For the last two years, Rosa has felt lonely, abandoned, and ignored. Teddy had changed his habits right after their first year anniversary. Each year, she hoped he would change and become the man he was when they first got married. Instead, Teddy engaged in more activities with his friends and no longer asked Rosa to go out as a couple. Her husband seemed so content, but yet she felt depressed, and anxious. In the past, she had confided in her mother and sister and both women agreed Rosa should continue to wait for her husband to “change back”.

Exhausted, Rosa started to tell her closest friends that she was tired of being alone and disregarded by her husband for “all these years”. She felt “used” because she “had” to be available for an intimacy she dreaded. All the advice her friends gave her empowered Rosa to think her situation over, and one night, she felt ready to address her unhappiness.

Please, answer the first six questions according to what you just read:

  1. How do you think Rosa should approach her husband?

  2. What emotions would Rosa experience when talking to Teddy?

  3. How do you think Teddy would react when he hears Rosa’s request for change?

  4. Would Teddy change the first time Rosa talks to him?

  5. Who is being affected, only the couple?

  6. Who should change and how?

Answer the following questions pretending you are Rosa:

  1. What would you say to Teddy? How?

  2. Who is responsible for this situation?

  3. What would you want to change in the relationship?

  4. Is there anyone to blame?

  5. What has been the main problem in the relationship?

  6. How do you think the children are responding to the problems?

  7. Is a loved one, perhaps your best friend, daughter, son, brother or sister in a similar situation?

Tags: marriage, couple

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